He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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