im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize