this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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