found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I am mentally ready for anal.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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