So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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