The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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