Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
