party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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