gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
