Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
