I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
