Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
