im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
