oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We need to get me chipped asap
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
