pedialite and red bull = repair kit
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
