I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
