i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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