in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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