When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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