Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
