I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
