I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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