Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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