Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
