Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
