He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
