so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
