i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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