Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
