it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
