We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
