eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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