where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
