maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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