Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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