I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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