I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
