thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
