remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
