i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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