I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
