Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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