so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
