He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize