gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
