Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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