Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
