In the future we'll all be gay
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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