is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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