On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
