Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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