Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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