I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
