my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
