went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
