And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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