I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
