I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
