The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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