you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
