idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
