its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
