My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
