YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
