you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
