Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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