OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Even my vagina gasped.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
