weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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