my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
false alarm. still invincible.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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