It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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