Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
