Soap is not a condiment
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
