sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
