In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Randomize
