Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
